We have to break many old arrangements and change a lot of domesticated beliefs to really keep a space for someone who hurts us or who is angry without judging to withdraw, defend, accuse, intellectualize, share their dream. Communicating with ourselves, not taking things personally (#2) gives us the opportunity to look inward, to find and change the old arrangements and beliefs — most of the lies of our domestication in childhood — that involve us emotionally and push us to react. The author of the article describes precisely the “dream” of people that distorts what people say or do. It is a powerful gift from Toltec Wisdom. I also found it strange to judge a book about the behavior of a person who claims to have read it and about the elderly who are the ancestors of the author of the book. That is why I did not respond to Cccc`s comment. If the commentator explains why he/she thought the four chords meant that people were behaving ruthlessly and selfishly, I might have received an answer. As it is, I support the idea that –Toltec or not — these principles are a healthy way of life and are consistent with the good practices supported by modern psychology: if you do your best, not only are you more likely to achieve goals, but you will also avoid criticizing what Ruiz calls your internal judge. If your faith creates deep happiness in you, then I say, keep it. If they cause trouble, if the beliefs of others are different, consciousness can leave you with the choice of what you believe and what you let go. Many of our convictions, our concepts, our agreements were nourished to us as “truth” when we were young, and we accepted them literally and completely. The beginning of the four chords is about how we were domesticated by our caregivers in a “dream” of life. The only dream they gave us was the one they lived, which they received most often from their parents, etc.
If we have established relationship agreements (regardless of the relationship) that the exchanges are for information purposes in the name of intimacy, not a complaint or a request to repair anything to protect me from the emotional reactions I create myself… That`s impressive. This is a vulnerable intimacy and can go anywhere (no attachment to the result). Where it`s going to go is more truth, especially if the person who hears this sharing can go into his emotional body and find out what`s going on in response to sharing and then share YOUR emotional truth right now. I think there are certainly cases where someone criticizes us or compliments us, and it is clearly about them and not us. When you hurt or praise for favours, these are examples that come to mind. And yet, there are certainly other times when criticism or compliments reflect an objective reality much closer than mere projections of another. I think what bothered me so much about this agreement is that it has undermined humanity`s ability to grasp something objective.
Sometimes our assertions about other inappropriate behavior or bad character are really about them. Other times, yes, they care more about us. And maybe others are also a combination of the two. I think true wisdom lies in the fact that you have to have honesty and discernment to know the difference. This kind of wisdom is something I aspire to and admire when I see it in others. This book is the perfect starting point for your journey to freedom, because it begins to shred your mind so that you can let go of the crap that is not yours. We have applied this book to our lives to help us erase past judgments that provoke regrets, resentments, self-criticism and self-doubts. It must be liberating! The elimination of old stories and mental garbage has given way to more gratitude and fullness in our lives. If we accept this agreement, Don Miguel Ruiz tells us, there is a good chance that we will reach a state of “happiness” in the midst of “hell”.
All agreements are supposed to lead to this state, but the decision not to take things personally has the power, until